I am prepared for backlash.
“Real estate is a relationship business.”
If I only had a nickel.
Typically I hear the “relationship business” line when discussing technology and social media.
It isn’t about the platform it’s about the people. I completely agree.
Where I disagree is in the stance that I want to have a relationship with my Realtor.
I don’t.
In fact, I can’t even imagine it.
My argument is that I am not alone.
Unlike a lot of the general public, I have a high level of respect for your profession.
I know how hard you work.
I know how unappreciated many of the things you do are.
I know the stress and challenges that come along with earning a paycheck and paying your bills ONLY if you sell things.
I have met countless Realtors both in person and online that have blown me away with their sales ability, marketing savvy, brand building skills and digital media efforts.
While many would never put the career Realtor along side other careers like Doctor and Lawyer which require significantly more education, I would.
It still doesn’t make me want to have a relationship with you.
I view buying or selling a home as a transaction, not a process I want to get a new friend out of.
Especially on Facebook by the way.
When I leave the doctors office I certainly don’t expect to have him join me for a latte and follow me on Twitter.
Would you agree that there are a lot of consumers right now that would prefer to interact with you as little as possible, much less have a relationship with you?
Embrace that. Market that.
Try adding a page to your website that details exactly how aware of this you are and how you can actually empower them with the tools to make that happen.
Are you using DocuSign or another e-signature tool?
Let me know in your marketing what that does for me as the consumer and how it eliminates the need for as many face to face meetings.
Is texting an option as opposed to phone calls?
I would LOVE to learn that before I reach out to you.
At 2 am when my wife and I can’t sleep because we are stressed out about the process, are there articles on your site that would make us feel like we aren’t alone?
That’s the relationship with a Realtor I am looking for.
No doing lunch. No birthday cards. No golf. No friend requests.
Just handle my transaction brilliantly. (Tweet This)
Nothing more, nothing less.
I wrote this to start a conversation.
While I do expect the comment section below to fill up with disagreement, I have a hunch a handful of you will concur with my stance.
Either way I would love your opinion.
Photo credit: Flickr
September 8, 2011 at 10:00 am
I agree! I think that we are trying too hard at times.
Good comparison, I don’t want to hear from my doctor every 3 month (in a phone call), or from my financial planner or my lawyer. Send me useful information, let me know you are there, but I don’t need to heard from you 33 times a year.
Just my 2 cents
September 8, 2011 at 10:29 am
Jean it gets hard sometimes when we see all the different ways to market and run a business. I have an attorney friend who has a great line “it is not show friend, it is show business”.
September 8, 2011 at 10:01 am
I think you are right for certain types of people. Your scenario describes the younger generation really well. To them the Realtor is a means to an end and if you speak their language (facebook, twitter, etc) then they will embrace you. On the other hand I think older buyers may appreciate the extra effort you put into helping them and the relationship part of it, especially if you live in a smaller market. The Realtor’s challenge is deciding which type of client you have and then applying the correct marketing to them. Great article Chris.
September 8, 2011 at 10:28 am
Tom thank you. I think I started a valid discussion here.
September 12, 2011 at 7:44 am
I agree with Tom’s comments. The challenge I see is getting people to REMEMBER that you are a Realtor, so that you can earn their business and then interact with them in the manner that they choose. I’ll be all over you or leave you alone – it’s my client’s choice.
September 8, 2011 at 10:01 am
Its not a people business anymore. That’s fine with me. I had some clients I sold over 200 homes for. I maybe saw them 4 times in 3 years, and didn’t even recognize them in public. But I made the process easy, with digital sigs and I used the platform I created to give them access to their files in real time through a portal link. All they wanted was to make tons of money, in a process that was so seamless it was hardly noticeable. I would consider that a great working relationship because everybody wins.
September 8, 2011 at 10:27 am
Ryan thank you for sharing a concrete example. I am sure there are many more.
September 8, 2011 at 10:02 am
I believe it is a relationship business, but you need to watch the clues that your client/customer gives you to determine what kind or level of relationship you will have with that person. Is it strictly a business relationship, or is it more than that? Some of my past clients have become great friends. Some of my clients like that I keep in touch and don’t get too personal.
It really comes down to each individual client. One size does NOT fit all.
September 8, 2011 at 10:27 am
Exactly Joe so market to both!
September 8, 2011 at 10:04 am
AMEN Mr. Smith! Nor do I really care to have a relationship with my clients most of the time (keep in mind you personally know I love most people). It is about a “business relationship” which is much different than a touchy feely, they need to trust and like me and break bread with my family relationship. It is a sales business that requires a fiduciary responsibility/relationship and great sales people are typically charismatic and care about their clients. Through a professional transaction your clients will come to trust you and like you but trying to be their friend first is like trying to be a friend first to your kids. It doesn’t work. Someone has to take the lead to make sure the goal of buying and/or selling is accomplished and that is the professional in the situation. I could ramble but you know I agree with you 100%. Now off to make some new friends… I mean sell a few houses!
September 8, 2011 at 10:06 am
I’m respectfully on the complete opposite side of the fence, good sir!
A bit o’ statistics-
NAR 2010 profile of buyers and sellers:
48% of all buyers were referred by a friend, neighbor or relative
75% of ALL sales for Realtors were from REFERRALS.
Having worked with Realtors across the US, in all kinds of markets, it was a theme that while SEO and websites are great tools, they are no substitute for a well connected agent. It’s not about pushing listings on Social networks like Facebook, it really is about relationships and gaining engagement from your Fans, and building your referral base.
September 8, 2011 at 10:08 am
Jeremy how were those relationships built? Through lunch or via the Realtor being an expert at their profession. Lead with expertise and business savvy relationships will form.
September 8, 2011 at 10:14 am
Bingo!
September 8, 2011 at 8:10 pm
I am truly on board with this statement. Lead with professionalism and the respect and relationship will be built off of this.
September 8, 2011 at 10:08 am
Ok, I actually do agree with most of what you say here. Realtors should think of themselves more as BUSINESS people- and act like one – is kind of the bottom line.
However, what makes Realtors’ business/interactions different, in my opinion, is that we are dealing with people’s homes and lives – which adds a very unique human element to what we do.
I think your assessment is right on IF only money were involved – but that is just not the case in real life and some of our clients do depend on us to be warm human beings at times.
Great article and food for thought as always, Chris! Thank you!
September 8, 2011 at 10:19 am
I don’t see the fact that we deal with peoples lives and homes any different than their relationship with their doctor who sometimes while having them under the knife has their life in his/her hands? Or how it is different than the relationship a school teacher who cares for our children all day while we work has with us? Heck they don’t even touch us 33 times a year and that’s in regards to our kids and/or with a doctor life or death. I think sometimes we as agents think we are more important than we really are in peoples actual lives and their real estate decision making. Obviously on the DISC profile I score low on the S and high on the D
September 8, 2011 at 10:25 am
Sheri you have the attitude of a business person. A business owner. Thank you.
September 8, 2011 at 10:55 am
Well, Sheri, it would be real creepy if our doctor called us to have coffee – that’s for sure!
I agree with everything Chris writes about, I was just trying to point out the fact that some clients need more hand-holding than others and that because we deal in clients’ personal lives you have to be sensitive to the individual clients’ needs.
I definitely don’t think I’m more important than I am, neither do I want to be seen as anything more than a professional.
September 8, 2011 at 10:26 am
Courtney social media has made this a challenge I believe. Where is the line in the sand drawn?
September 8, 2011 at 10:41 am
It’s definitely not drawn enough or soon enough or the right place or at all by many – I 100% agree.
On a positive note, maybe social media will just help expose those making these mistakes, ushering out of the industry those that don’t have a clue what the modern consumer really wants or how things have already changed.
September 8, 2011 at 10:11 am
Sounds like more an opinion of personal choice to me Chris. The vast majority of my clients have become personal friends after the sale. By maintaining that, I assure myself of referrals down the road. Strictly business, more especially where I come from, would quickly lead to no business.
September 8, 2011 at 10:24 am
Randy it is exactly that. Personal choice. I just think there are enough others out there that make up that demo it is worth marketing to them.
September 8, 2011 at 10:12 am
The word is: BALANCE. you will know how deep of a relationship can be developed with your clients. I’ve actually made great friendships with a few of my clients (but not with majority). And with some it’s just a BUSINESS relationship and that’s all you need. But it doesn’t hurt to ask how the kids are doing. Simply being open and caring will create these relationships and you just keep them at the level you want based on common sense.
September 8, 2011 at 10:23 am
Ilya that is really my point. If it will happen it will happen and can. When it does it makes you a lot of money btw!
September 8, 2011 at 10:12 am
Wow, Chris – Brave post!
I agree with it. (with obvious exceptions to entrenched agents with a large referral base) This is the way the business is heading. (and has been, for a few years)
With all the money and effort, agents are pouring into their online presence, it’s obvious that they’re embracing it. Even if they hadn’t noticed it until now. The very notion of investing in online presence means that you are aware of the fact that real estate clients are looking to interact with you as an agent, in person, as little as possible.
I remember seeing an airport billboard in an airport, for an agent, that listed all of his hobbies and personality traits. Saying that he’d be a “friend for life”. It was like a personals ad!
I was thinking that it might be more effective these days (if you must waste money on an airport billboard) to have one that says: “We will not be friends. I don’t want to hang out with you. But I’ll get you the best possible deal on your next home.”
Anyway, great post. This will be a good conversation starter.
–Seth Siegler
Robot Workshop
September 8, 2011 at 10:22 am
Seth I value your feedback and obviously agree 100%. Run an A/B test on those billboards and we win.
September 8, 2011 at 10:12 am
I agree completely. As much as I enjoy many of my clients I know that I am not going to be introduced to the extended family and invited to birthdays of the little ones. I do want them to think of me and mention my name whenever they are engaged in a real estate discussion with others. So it is a unique form of respect and even affection that I want them to have for me by the time the transaction is completed. I would expand on the “affection” by saying that I want to be viewed favorably and remembered as helpful, competent, easy to work with, and with no negative aspects to the relationship. Yes, like a doctor or dentist that is trusted and will be returned to and recommended.
September 8, 2011 at 10:18 am
lol that is so funny especially in light of what i just wrote. While I do agree wholeheartedly with Chris, I often find myself developing good friendships with clients but always at their instigation. Case in point: recently I was the only non-family member at a huge family reunion at one of my seller’s homes. It was an honor to be there and meet their kids and extended family but that is the exception not the rule and certainly more common with older clients. JMTC.
September 8, 2011 at 10:21 am
Jed that is exactly how I would want my agent to approach the deal. I am not alone.
September 9, 2011 at 12:21 pm
I totally agree with you. That is the ultimate goal to stay professional enough but keep that “affection” part alive. Since I mostly build my business on referrals that is really important. Well said!
September 8, 2011 at 10:12 am
Chris, I can’t tell you how thrilled I was to see this article! While there are clients I do wind up becoming good friends with there are certain things that I have simply refused to do over the past eight years in order to gain business, referrals, and the like and you hit on several of them. A big one for me is birthday cards. Seriously? How cheesy! There is no way I am going to send someone a birthday card to try to get their business. (I actually think it’s borderline unprofessional since, at least in my market, the Realtor doesn’t even need a client’s birth date to process a real estate transaction.) Busy Realtors shouldn’t have time for gimmicky marketing like this. If you’re on top of your game there is so much more to talk about before you ever get to the awkward personal stuff. And while I am grateful when my clients seek out my Facebook business page, I am equally relieved when most of them do not try to “friend” me on Facebook. Thanks also for the reminder that tech-savvy Realtors should blog about the fact that we use tools like DocuSign to save clients’ time. That is such a good point. Prospective clients have no idea how technology has transformed our industry, the myriad of great tools out there, how clients can benefit at no additional cost, and yet how few Realtors actually employ these tools to their clients’ advantage. GREAT post, Chris.
September 8, 2011 at 10:20 am
Jolenta, I knew you would agree based on our prior chats on Twitter on the topic. Thank you for commenting.
September 8, 2011 at 10:13 am
“Lead with expertise and business savvy relationships will form.”
So are you saying that there isn’t a relationship involved, or just that there is a difference between the relationship I have between me and my best freind, who is a realtor and that of me and a Realtor who’d like to be my best friend while he sells me a home?
September 8, 2011 at 10:19 am
Jeremy that is exactly what I am saying. The word relationship is WAY too broad and this is a business transaction. Not looking for someone who I like playing basketball with.
September 8, 2011 at 10:13 am
Praise the Lord and Pass the Biscuits! Someone finally said it! We get hired to solve problems. The better we solve them, the more business we get – hopefully by way of referrals from those we serve. How many times have you heard an agent get mad because a “friend” didn’t choose them to help them with a purchase or sale? Plenty. Relationships are nice but competency and trust make you choose-able.
I agree with the others. I don’t want to be pals with my doctor, my lawyer, etc. It’s a business transaction.
September 8, 2011 at 10:16 am
Greg your comment means a lot. I was certainly afraid to go against what I feel is the status quo.
September 8, 2011 at 10:25 am
Chris,
When I think back on all of the friends who have used me as their broker over the past 28 years, it invariably comes down to those who knew me as a shopping center or apartment developer, as the founder of one of the nation’s leading real estate strategy firms, or from similar circumstances. They knew my background, trusted my knowledge and hired me accordingly.
Those friends who have chosen other agents to represent them either knew little about my background (my fault) or had more faith in another person. Yes, I hear of lots of people who hire agents they play tennis with, etc. But it’s not the tennis that got them the business. It’s the time together that built a foundation of trust.
September 8, 2011 at 10:13 am
Hi Chris,
One of the best traits of most good realtors is that they are, by nature, chameleons. They have the ability to respond to each client they meet in the best way to get the job done. For me, if they want warm fuzzy stuff, I’m ok with that. If they want limited contact and no conversation other than business, I can do that too. By nature, I am much more likely to develop a more personal relationship. Selling Luxury Real Estate, I very often do not have much in common with my clients from a recreational standpoint,(read:they make lots more moola than me), but I find connection with them on a number of different levels. In any case, I take their lead, and provide the same level of service whether they want to be BFFs or not.
September 8, 2011 at 10:17 am
Troi I totally agree and when you have that great attribute you never consciously are “building a relationship”. The genuineness of how it evolves is everything in my opinion.
September 8, 2011 at 10:16 am
What if the word “relationship” was substituted with “Trust and Confidence”? With different generations, that trust and confidence is created and maintained in different ways. We also go beyond the business aspect of the transaction, and get to know what the client’s motivation is in order to help them satisfy a housing need. It may be that the issue is not with the word “Relationship”, but determining what the word means to different clients.
September 8, 2011 at 10:18 am
Anne I totally agree. Thats why I like the option on your website of finding that out quickly!
September 8, 2011 at 10:25 am
I guess I’d much rather have a real interaction with a Realtor on a post I made facebook to a page or profile, rather than just see a bunch of auto-queued re-posts of their blog re-posted from their Twitter feed via Hootsuite.
September 8, 2011 at 10:36 am
Jeremy. I obviously agree and didn’t really go there.
September 8, 2011 at 10:35 am
I concur. The fuzzy part is semantics. What’s the word “friend” mean. On Facebook it’s anyone who accepts a “Friend” request. In real life it’s usually much more.
What’s the word “relationship” mean and what form does it take. Personal Relationship, Sexual Relationship, Professional Relationship, Casual Relationship, etc. The things is, no matter how you define it, As Anne Meczywor shared above, we know the majority of consumers choose an agent they know and trust, or who is know and trusted by someone they know and trust. If we don’t have some sort/form of positive relationship, then we’re irrelevant, invisible, and screwed.
Thanks Chris and all the comment contributors.
September 8, 2011 at 10:37 am
Ken I hope this post is Aha worthy. I think clearly defining our goals and the relationship type that we are trying to form is a critical business skill.
September 8, 2011 at 10:48 am
In my opinion, not every client requires a close relationship. I think it all depends on what occurs in the process of the transaction of buying or selling their home. I do however believe that dropping a line or two via email every 6 months would not be a bad idea. 6 months is a good amount of time to see if you can get referrals from some angles. Not every client would have a referral for you but at least try. Facebook may be too close as they see your daily activities and you see theirs but i still believe in the 6month follow-up rule.
September 8, 2011 at 10:51 am
Atim that is why I like the idea of creating that marketing funnel on your website!
September 8, 2011 at 10:55 am
Completely agree
December 16, 2011 at 7:23 am
What do you mean, “making a marketing funnel on your website”?
September 8, 2011 at 10:51 am
I agree with you Chris. I think a lot of Realtors go out of their way to be perceived as a friend as opposed to a professional. Its easier for the run of the mill Realtor to act as a friend. It takes, talent, skill, knowledge and a host of other attributes to be considered professional.
You hear lines in RE Marketing ” Your Realtor For Life” I’ve never seen nor heard Dr’s or Lawyers use that. I think if Realtors would elevate their game, they wouldn’t have to hide behind a fake friendship. Instead, we can be highly compensated professionals.
September 8, 2011 at 10:52 am
Exactly Chris sharpen your axe at all times and the chips will fall.
September 8, 2011 at 10:53 am
Chris, there’s a huge difference between Real Estate being a relationship business and interpreting that to mean that people want a relationship with their REALTOR.
First you need to understand relationships, what they entail, how they differ and their purpose – then you need to know where you stand within your business model to attain or not attain those relationships.
September 8, 2011 at 11:01 am
Ines thanks for stopping by! I agree and I just think that when the motto for the industry is so vague and we don’t clearly define our business specific relationship goals it gets blurry. You have a unique ability to make people want to learn more about the person behind the Miamism brand. Unfortunately many do not have that appeal. Just being honest.
September 8, 2011 at 11:06 am
I can see you are being honest, it’s the misinterpretation of the meaning of “relationship” that’s at play here. A REALTOR must understand the type of relationship they will have with a client and bank on that.
September 8, 2011 at 3:36 pm
I agree Ines. Relationship in this context would be more accurately described as friendship. “It’s No longer a “friendship” business. Was it ever?
I know many equally qualified Realtors in any given region. If I had to pick one to sell my house, I’d choose from those that I had a “relationship” with. Be it twitter, FB or coffee at a reboot. However, I may not necessarily choose one that I had more of a “friendship” with. Human nature 101.
September 10, 2011 at 10:54 am
EXACTLY August, thank you. And it goes further into the whole “social object” conversation where people misconstrue that to mean that I want to create a “friendship relationship” with clients where it’s only a conversation starter.
September 8, 2011 at 4:00 pm
I have to agree with Ines on this one as well. The definition you choose for “relationship” is extremely narrow – friendship. I think all business is about relationships, but I don’t think they are about friendships. It’s a bit of a straw man.
I have amazing business relationships that are not even close to being friendships. Some of them are both. Most are not. So, I still think it’s a relationship business. We’re just not defining relationship in the same way.
September 8, 2011 at 10:55 am
Chris, I think you bring up some valid points. I’ve heard people tell me that they hired their agent in the past simply because they felt they could get the job done, and personally didn’t even like them. Everyone looks for different things from an agent, some feel more comfortable with a friend or someone they know and feel they can trust, others could care less about the personal relationship, so it would be wise to market accordingly.
September 8, 2011 at 11:00 am
Chris,
We need a new mantra! I always thought “Your Realtor for Life” is akin to a life sentence, not one we should aspire too!
Client relationships are built on trust, trust doesn’t come from thumping one’s chest it is earned by doing what you said you were going to do and showing up when you said you would.
Be present, do the job, treat others better than you expect to be treated and be thankful for the opportunity.
kk
p.s. btw good post!
September 8, 2011 at 11:01 am
“We need a new mantra! I always thought “Your Realtor for Life” is akin to a life sentence, not one we should aspire too!”
Bingo! Thanks KK
September 14, 2011 at 8:00 am
Agree, moto’s are not meaningful in most instances. Actions taken that prove you have your clients back cement relationships, not sending worthless emails or postcards that convey a message “I am here look at me.” The vast majority of my contact w/ past clients is in the form of a call to see how the are doing… Simple and easy to do for one reason, I actually care how they are doing.
September 8, 2011 at 11:02 am
Strong argument Chris,
A business relationship is still a relationship. I happen to be FB friends with my doctor, dentist and lawyers. I am happy not to be intimately connected to most of my clients but have made great personal friends in some of them. The client ultimately dictates the terms of the relationship and I provide exemplary professional service during the transaction regardless. In fact, if I am working with a friend, I suspend some of the casual familiarity of friendship and turn up the level of professionalism that they may not have seen in me before. During the transaction I am a Realtor first, and a friend second.
Also, seriously… I don’t need any more friends. I need clients.
Great article. Thank you.
September 8, 2011 at 11:04 am
I agree! I’m working on this as a tweak. Much of my business is with investors. Recently, I started picking up international investors. So, a lot times I’m sleep when they are looking. Often times, there is an email in the morning about properties in which they are interested. So, using technology and “handling the transaction brilliantly” is really important.
Thanks for the post.
September 8, 2011 at 11:11 am
Agree, Agree, Agree! I think there are definite limits to our “social media” socializing. I’m not a big fan of “friending” or “following” clients over friends and family. Doing so might offer up more information about these people than I really care to know!
September 8, 2011 at 11:14 am
Amen. #nuffsaid
September 8, 2011 at 11:20 am
Tony I am an Evangelist
September 8, 2011 at 11:19 am
I fight this all the time. My instincts say to not force a friendship for biz, but the so called experts (Buffini and Gary Keller) whom I like and respect say it’s the best way to be successful long term.
September 8, 2011 at 11:21 am
Mike thanks for your candor. I think it is a challenge facing many.
September 8, 2011 at 11:23 am
Great article, I feel that as a real estate professional I want to be hired for my expertise in my field, not because I throw a great party. It has been my experience that whenever “friendships” are built they tend to get in the way when a transaction goes awry. I want my friends, family and past clients to know that I am in the business of selling real estate and to refer me because I am excellent at what I do, not because I would be great to “hang out” with.
September 8, 2011 at 1:51 pm
Abigall I blame Facebook
September 8, 2011 at 11:27 am
I certainly agree with you Chris, there are some who are not at all interested in a relationship. This really hit home with me once when meeting with a former GM at the Four Seasons. We were talking about my business model and I mentioned writing hand-written notes to people, and he cringed. “Why would I ever want a note from my Realtor?” he asked. That said, in my experience, he is very much in the minority. One of the biggest complaints that former buyers and sellers have had for decades is that they never hear from their agent again. Now, does that mean they want to be friends? No! That does happen, but that should not be what we are striving for. We can maintain that professional relationship by making contact after the sale and providing additional information, and inviting folks to events, but it does not have to be a friendship. If my clients don’t friend me first, I don’t seek them out. If they don’t follow me on Twitter, I don’t find them there either.
This works from the other angle too by the way. Many, MANY, folks do not want an existing friend to serve as their Realtor. I have done business with friends, and I have really enjoyed doing so, but not all of them are interested because they want that to be a separate transaction, in and out.
So, we shouldn’t be surprised to find people who don’t want to snuggle up next to the fire after their transaction is completed.
Finally: Many agents operate a strictly relationship (ie; referral) business, and many of them are among the most successful agents in the country. But that is just one way to do business. To Chris’s point, there are plenty of non-relational buyers and sellers out there. And you know what? If you wow them with great support and service, some of them are the best referrers around
September 8, 2011 at 1:51 pm
Thank you Colin for reading between the lines. “some of them are the best referrers around”
September 8, 2011 at 11:27 am
I completely agree and I think that is a two way street. I have had a lot of clients that were wonderful to work with but not people I would want a personal relationship with. I do not feel like I have to have a relationship with someone that pays me for doing the job they hired me to do nor is that the reason clients hire us.
September 8, 2011 at 1:50 pm
Donna bingo!
September 8, 2011 at 11:31 am
I think this IS a relationship business, but it’s all in the interpretation of the word “relationship.” Chris, all of your points are right on the mark. Consumers don’t want to be our close personal friends, but they do want a relationship with their Realtor… a business relationship. If we do our job brilliantly (as you wrote) more business will naturally flow from that relationship.
I really like the barber shop that I go to, but the barber doesn’t call me and ask if I know anyone else that needs a haricut, or if I want to have lunch, or to play golf. Have I referred business to that barber… you bet! Why? Because he does his job brilliantly (no hair jokes, please
Admittedly, I get reminded of how great the barber is every few weeks or so, and our clients only get to experience how great a job we do on average every 5-7 years. The challenge for Realtors is finding ways to stay engaged with our clients that cause them to say “thank you.”
Old school touchy-feely doesn’t work for most clients today. However, if we put the focus on giving and share our knowledge of the business, the area, the community, local small businesses, most clients will value that and remember us for what we do. The great news is that with technology we have an almost limitless way to do this.
September 8, 2011 at 11:31 am
great article and so true. Though I’m conflicted with adding clients on facebook. I’d say NO for some of the clients but YES to your A-List raving fans whom you have a lot in common with, refer you a lot of business yet without something like facebook may forget you’re in real estate. I see fb as a very easy way to ‘touch’ your sphere without spending any money or really any additional time.
September 8, 2011 at 1:50 pm
Briddick you are dead on. We usually agree.
September 8, 2011 at 11:38 am
My area is so relationship, and it drives me nuts. The sellers could care less about the job the agent will do, it’s more that they pick the gal they went to school with. i hate it because I am not a local and am trying to drive a wedge between these links. What do I do, move to a different area? Business is certainly suffering but I happen to live here too.
September 8, 2011 at 11:39 am
I agree! I am working as we speak on an entire revamp of our online advertising, sites and management based exactly on what you have said. The relationship has changed and clients now want something very different than before. They want it fast, specific and professional (when THEY want it) not when I can. There is no room there for a friendship.
I experience this everyday in Miami from rentals to sales. All the client wants to know is who I am, what about me they like (in order to do business) and how well I can get their needs met. They don’t care about ANYTHING personal. Every once in a while i get a person who becomes a friend but it is rare. I have repeat clients for three and four years in rentals that call me every year right before their lease ends and I don’t hear back from them after the transaction, until the following year. Of course I keep in touch with them throughout the year by email and they are gracious enough to allow me to do that. That’s about as personal as it gets. It a symbiotic relationship. I want their business and I deliver them a professional transaction efficiently! IT works both ways.
September 8, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Isela glad to hear the message resonated with you and also that you are already executing.
September 8, 2011 at 11:45 am
Hey Chris what a great thought-provoking blog! I agree so much with the fact that we MUST be professionals first…and remember the platinum rule which is treat others as THEY want to be treated…figuring out if they want a professional that stays that way or if they’re open to the relationship developing down the line. Although I’m very referral-driven in my biz, it was a great reminder to communicate the convenience of the technology for THEM! Isn’t it funny that some agents don’t like technology because they think they’re not giving the “personal touch” (like thinking they need to drive the contract over) when that may not be what the client would prefer! Also, I do know that some people would prefer to NOT do business with a friend because of the fear of it tainting the friendship if something goes wrong…very interesting! Thanks!!
September 8, 2011 at 1:48 pm
Cyndi thanks for stopping by it is indeed a profession!
September 8, 2011 at 12:02 pm
In many cases, it simply depends on the client. I have always tried to run my business, like a business. Professional, customer serviced based… you know the drill. But with some clients, there will be a lot of hand holding and emotion through the process and you almost can’t help but make it a “relationship” transaction. What I usually gain from those transactions not only are a loyal client, but also a friend.
September 8, 2011 at 1:47 pm
Jennie it is exactly that. The causation of the process not a “goal”.
September 8, 2011 at 12:28 pm
This bears contemplation for sure Chris but more-over I think your suggestion is a good one and that is to ensure that we have the bases covered within our website. Have the tools available for those who want to work with you virtually and then you’re covered. While we have many clients who prefer to work with us belly to belly, we also have had sales that happened before we ever met them. Many were out of towners. Yes a few phone calls took place, but then it was all electronic.
Thanks for stirring the pot so well and getting us to think outside of the box.
September 8, 2011 at 1:47 pm
It is pretty close to a design and marketing piece Vic. Thanks for noticing and commenting.
September 8, 2011 at 12:30 pm
When people look to me to help them buy or sell Naples real estate, they are not secretly hoping we’ll be bff’s too. While I have made FABULOUS friends who started as clients, I consider it a bonus not part of the deal. By the way since you mentioned it…thanks for considering the hardship of my career and the trials and tribulations I may experience along the way. I signed up for it. I must take all of that on the chin just as I imagine you have to take some stuff on the chin in your life too. Since you probably did not sign up to be a real estate agent I don’t think you should be required to hear the drama…
Regardless…you can expect me to handle your transaction….BRILLIANTLY.
By the way, BRILLIANT post!
September 8, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Shannon I like the word brilliant. Humbled.
September 8, 2011 at 12:35 pm
I am pretty much all business and do not like working with “friends” or “family” because they don’t know where the line is drawn between personal and business boundaries. HOWEVER I really really like when the 1 or 2 hit wonders screw up family or friend transactions because then I end up with a referral that ends up to be a really great client.
I am referral based at this time and only skim the equity listings from my internet leads. All other internet leads get referred out. I am not “in your face” with keeping touch to get the business. They do know where to find me when they need me or need to send me a referral.
September 8, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Renee great attitude. It is fine to have fun with your business but it is a business!
September 8, 2011 at 12:42 pm
Chris I couldn’t agree more! If I wasn’t your friend to start the transaction, more than likely, I won’t be your friend at the end of the transaction. Spot on as usual Chris! Btw… Agent Reboot in Columbus rocked!
September 8, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Joe it always feels great to hear good feedback. Thanks ou.
September 8, 2011 at 1:56 pm
Chris…you know where I stand. My goal is to facilitate exactly what you have outlined. I believe you can serve your client on a highly professional level through online collaboration and the delivery of an experience that minimizes the need for the “new BFF” smokescreen. If you need a new friend…get a dog. I want to provide you a value add that exceeds your expectations in terms of expertise and professionalism. I want to do a great job as the person to facilitate the largest single transaction in your life by making it happen seamlessly with as little stress and anxiety as possible. I am here as a source of information and knowledge but I don’t want to be your therapist. I will do such a great job that you will refer me to others who want the same experience.
September 8, 2011 at 1:57 pm
“I want to provide you a value add that exceeds your expectations in terms of expertise and professionalism. I want to do a great job as the person to facilitate the largest single transaction in your life by making it happen seamlessly with as little stress and anxiety as possible.”
Much better goals than followers and friends!
September 8, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Chris -
I think I’m going to have to play devil’s advocate on this one and write a counter response. But I gotta think the whole thing through and make sure it’s a solid argument before I dive into a massive comment/blog post.
September 8, 2011 at 2:10 pm
Hey Chris, Great to meet you personally at Reboot yesterday. While I agree…good service, expertise and trust are what are going to be fundamental in the success of the transaction/interaction….I wouldn’t say that it’s ‘black and white’ no longer a relationship business. Any agent/broker (that is operating in decent volume) is going to know their sources for business. Of course, there will be the few agents out there (likely doing lower volumne) that will argue they have relationships and only work with those types of clients. But the agents (many of whom responded) that are likely doing higher volume…where yes, it’s all business. That doesn’t mean friendships won’t be formed. Some of my best friendships were formed that way. And some of those friendships contribute to an important segment of referral business. And I don’t think it’s a real estate thing….its a life thing. People work with people they are comfortable with. People they respect, trust, have confidence in. Whether it be a doctor, lawyer, realtor, etc. I have a great relationship with my eye doctor. I see him every year or so. We talk about running, cycling. That’s it. I like him because he’s a great doctor. But then when I crash my bike, I have a neighbor who comes over to my house to take out my stitches and read my x-rays. And I text him when I’m on the way to the ER so he gets me in and out. I sold him his house, we became friends. Just do a good job…everything works out. So for what that’s worth, ‘relationships’ are a segment. Not 100%, not 0%. Not black or white. But definitely a segment.
September 8, 2011 at 2:19 pm
Well – I already stated how I feel on this elsewhere, but at the risk of sounding redundant – totally agree, and couldn’t have said it better myself (which isn’t the norm for me).:-)
One little tiny note on the theme: i think the incessant “touching” of past clients is a bit on an admission of having performed an average job or service for those clients. The fear that you’ll be forgotten has to stem from that, as I highly doubt people ever forget remarkable experiences, especially when it comes to something as big as buying or selling a home. So stop junk mailing and following your clients and do a remarkable job.
September 8, 2011 at 3:10 pm
Chris: What a relief to hear you say this. It always seemed so unprofessional to me. I’ve been trying to stay in touch during my 33 year career, but I never seem to get it wired.
September 8, 2011 at 3:11 pm
I think it depends on what you call a relationship… For a period of time you are intimately involved with your clients in one of the biggest purchases they will probably ever make. You have to get to know very personal details about how they live and their financial situation. I think I am friendly with my clients, but not always friends. There are a few that I have bonded with and continue to have a genuine friendship with that has nothing to do with business. I live in a very small town where everybody knows EVERYBODY, puts a different spin on things sometimes.
September 8, 2011 at 3:23 pm
Great post Chris! A brilliant transaction may lead to a friendship but is not a goal or objective of the transaction. I have been blessed with a few friends through transactions over the past 26 years but they are the exception not the rule. Thanks again for putting our client relationship in focus and opening this dialogue. I look forward to meeting you in Austin come October 4. Keep up the brilliant work.
September 8, 2011 at 3:47 pm
Ah sounds like Burger Kings motto…just the way you like it…after reading everyone’s great responses, my question to Chris (and the group) is, what would you expect to see written say, on your website “About” page? I see too many agents that have lengthy paragraphs of all their accomplishments and how they will get the job done….boring…but it seems to be the norm. Would you provide an outline of what the “relationshipless” person would care to see what they would expect. If we provide Docusign and Transaction Pt. as a differentiation, I’ll understand, should we include the words texting, email, phone, what looks obvious/not obvious? What’s the next step beyond this discussion? I ask since I am changing up my site completely. Chris: HAve you heard of realgeeks.com…discuss
September 8, 2011 at 3:56 pm
re·la·tion·ship (definition per dictionary.com)
1. a connection, association, or involvement.
2. connection between persons by blood or marriage.
3. an emotional or other connection between people: the relationship between teachers and students.
4. a sexual involvement; affair.
I’m suggesting that, indeed, we have relationships with all of our clients… some good and productive… some, not so much.
So I guess that I’m going on record, technically, disagreeing with you, Chris. But only because, technically, the definition of relationship (#1 of course!) obviously does describe the connection between an agent and their client.
Relationships, although different from friendships, are necessary to repeat business and referrals.
September 9, 2011 at 5:31 am
Wendy how dare you!
Now that you mention the fourth defenition I may need to rethink my stance 
September 10, 2011 at 6:45 am
Lol!
September 8, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Yes! My husbad and I totaly agree (we are a team). I am the exact consumer you describe and that applies to my dentist, accountant and attorney too. We (people) have too much going on in our lives to make new friends with our prfessional service providers. I barely want to know the other parents on my kids’ sportsteams. Don’t send me pointless “items of value” I plan to trash without opening. I’m a smart lady. If you did a great. Job for me, I am not going to forget you. Thanks for a fresh insight on this OLD sales technique!
September 8, 2011 at 5:00 pm
I give my clients the option to be in a relationship with me, one that doesn’t end at closing! Either way, I am happy to have known them for a time period in their lives and provide them with extraordinary customer service while I am their agent.
I often tell my clients when I first meet them that I would like to become their Realtor for life and resolve, research and advice on all things real estate even after the closing. Less than 6% of people actually use/hire the same real estate agent twice because well, let’s be honest, agents suck at building meaningful relationships. Too many of them, including me at times, pee in the social media pool. Best thing to do is if your client chooses to let you into their personal life is to listen and engage. If you do this well enough, they will become an raving fan of your business and the referrals will come.
September 9, 2011 at 5:29 am
Angie I think the appropriateness of the post sale interaction is a critical thing to determine during the process. Certainly there are annual, monthly, weekly and daily options for communication which I think will be obvious based on them.
September 8, 2011 at 5:02 pm
I totally agree – the clients are not hiring you to be their new best friend!
September 8, 2011 at 5:31 pm
Sometimes agents can have an overinflated need to be liked and they can’t help but take things personally. Some can even get in the road of a transaction because they are too scared to hurt the person’s feelings or are worried about what they might think of them, etc.
The key focus should be around effectively communicating with clients, building high levels of trust (whether that be online or offline) and engagement/understanding with the clients so that they can make a well informed decisions about the transaction.
Selling/Buying property is often an emotionally stressful time for all parties and great agents build friendships as a buy-product of helping people through the process.
September 9, 2011 at 5:27 am
Greg. Your insight is spot on. Thanks.
September 8, 2011 at 5:58 pm
Nice choice of a provocative theme. Have you been attending social media classes or something
Agree and Disagree. Agree because many people these days are struggling to find enough time for their families, partners, friends etc. They simply may not have time to have a “relationship” with their Realtor.
HOWEVER, if a Client hires a Realtor to help them buy or sell a property, and it represents a 6,7 or 8 figure transaction they damn well better have enough of a relationship to trust that their Realtor has the skills, ability and ethics to manage that transaction appropriately. Unfortunately many people select their friends to be their Realtors, or work with the first person they reach on the phone or the Internet, without understanding the potential ramifications / consequences of working with an inexperienced or unprofessional agent. That is insane, but it is also a problem that “the industry” created. Minimal licensing standards (it is easier to become a Realtor than a cosmetologist in most states), shabby ethics, poor representation have been commonplace in the real estate industry for way too long.
As Professional Realtors demonstrate their value to their Clients over the course of their transactions, a relationship can and will be built, but sometimes it happens literally by accident…
I applaud the “Raise the Bar” movement and the Realtors that are doing their best to promote and live it. This upper echelon of Realtors earns relationships with their clients and will continue to do so through ever changing industry landscape.
September 9, 2011 at 5:26 am
Maybe we are exiting that era of choosing a friend. I know I never would.
October 6, 2011 at 10:48 am
What I find so interesting is you could never find this aywhnere else.
September 8, 2011 at 6:34 pm
Chris:
I can agree with much of the post. Where I differ is the fact that I have on a daily basis my clients Friending me on Facebook or following me on Twitter.
If I am giving the Ultimate Client experience from start to finish I always find out which method of communication is important to them (not me) and remember to the best of my ability to contact them in that fashion.
This weekend for instance my family and I are going to a football party of clients that moved here from Atlanta a couple months back. We both like the same team and were invited to come meet their new friends and network. They told me to bring business cards. I have received 4 referrals from them in the last 4 months.
I don’t attempt to friend my clients but somehow it happens with more of them than one would expect.
September 8, 2011 at 7:27 pm
That “common bond” of Volunteer football (or whatever it may be) is certainly a great benefit. People love to do business with people like them. Great job leveraging that commonality into a deeper relationship.
September 9, 2011 at 5:23 am
Lisa they are only doing so BECAUSE of the remarkable service you provide. I just feel many lead with the goal of relationship not the goal of brilliant customer experience.
September 8, 2011 at 7:25 pm
Chris – great job finding a “debate-worthy” topic. Like any good debate topic it should be easy to argue both sides but it always helps if you passionately agree with one of the sides. Like many people said in previous replies (especially Ines, Jeff and Wendy), we really need to define “relationship.” I have always believed this business is about three things: building relationships, solving problems and having fun. I think you could argue that those three things apply to any professional career, be it sales, law, medical, etc. It doesn’t say you must be great friends who arrange play dates for their kids, play in the same golf leagues or exchange cookies at the holidays, but maintaining a relationship during the transaction (or legal issue or medical procedure) is paramount. If you have that relationship before a sale or after a sale it just increases your opportunity to solve more problems (some real estate related, some not) and hopefully have more fun.
An interesting sidebar to this comes from Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink where he determined that the better a doctor’s bedside manner (read: relationship) with their patients, the less likely they were to be involved in a malpractice suit. People just had a harder time going against someone they like beyond the skills or service of the role.
Thanks for the intriguing conversation. It’s neat to read all the points and counterpoints from across the real estate community. Clearly there is tremendous opportunity on both “sides of the aisle” for a different type/level of service.
September 9, 2011 at 5:21 am
Sean I think where there was a need for clarity is in the defenition of relationship. With Twitter and Facebook it makes it too easy to be too personal with clients.
September 9, 2011 at 6:04 am
Chris – It’s the constant battle of “transparency” in this business and certainly on social media sites. Not enough and you lose any chance to gain trust and build rapport yet too much and you could lose credibility and the same trust you were aiming to acquire.
Have a safe weekend in NYC on this bittersweet anniversary of 9/11
September 8, 2011 at 7:53 pm
Chris,
As someone that has began selling homes at the age of 19, still runs the the marketing for my family’s real estate team, and a trainer for 10 years, I have to disagree with your headline.
I will agree with you that most prospects do not want a personal relationship with their agent; however, they rely on their personal and professional relationships in choosing an agent. And agents depend on building their personal and professional relationships in order to connect with prospects, and they rely on the professional relationship they build with their clients to guide them through the process to provide them with what Chris wants – his transaction handled brilliantly.
I wrote a more thorough rebuttal on my website, as I did not have room to do it here, and would welcome your response.Regardless I am a fan.
http://bit.ly/nL6lj8
September 9, 2011 at 9:03 am
Jason commented on your site! Thanks.
September 8, 2011 at 8:59 pm
Lots to think about for sure. Appreciate your position as well as most of the comments. I do think the meaning of “relationship” is open to interpretation. There definitely has to be connection on some/several levels in order to have the process work. Also, I believe the buyer or seller wants the Realtor to care about them, in a relationship like manner, but in most cases the clients do not want a relationship with you in return. It’s all about them. My experience in working with clients is more personal than that of a doctor, teacher or other professionals. Maybe it’s due to spending so much time together, the ups and downs of the process, the personal nature of selecting or selling a home, the dollars involved or something intangible (thanks Jeff Turner). Call it what you will but connection is important and necessary. Thank you Chris for spurring so much thought.
September 9, 2011 at 5:19 am
Sherry. I appreciate the feedback. Worthy of discussion indeed.
September 8, 2011 at 10:21 pm
This is a long term business. How many agents dropped out of the industry over the past year(?). It does pay to maintain a presence in your farm area and it does pay to be online and being noticed. Having a professional relationship is not a bad thing per se, it’s just a matter of how intense you want it and that’s easy enough to control. If it’s overwhelming you are quickly unfriended, and that happened even before ‘unfriended’ became a word in FaceBook. Nope, unless you did such an astounding job of looking after a client that they invited you to their wedding or their child’s christening, you know exactly where you stand with each client. Also, word of mouth is that important that if they remember you, then they will give you a call when they want to sell and they may even give you a referral without being prompted.
September 9, 2011 at 9:03 am
Rajen I agree that each client will be different. I guess I am stead fast in that MANY will never be at your wedding.
September 9, 2011 at 7:29 am
Absolutely! Not only do people not want a realationship with us, they are reluctant to contact us at all because many view us as pushy sale people. And certaibly, there ARE those types of agents out there, but it could not be further from the way WE do business. The trick is getting people to understand this up front (a trick we have not completely learned yet).
Great idea letting people know that we know, up front. That could help break down reluctance to contact.
September 9, 2011 at 9:02 am
Reluctant to contact us at all! Thanks Daniel you nailed it.
September 9, 2011 at 8:49 am
Hey Chris – 117 comments and counting. I don’t think you need much piping in from me.
But I guess I’d just want to ask you something instead.
If real estate is no longer a relationship business, because of changes in consumer behavior and expectation, then what sort of business is it?
You say things like, “Handle my transaction brilliantly” but don’t go into detail of what that means. You say “Trust and Confidence” but don’t actually examine what that means, or how someone might gain T&C, keep it, or expand it.
So fine, RE is not a relationship business. What business is it then?
September 9, 2011 at 9:02 am
Rob
-what sort of business is it?
From post “I view buying or selling a home as a transaction” A huge one thus the Doctor or Lawyer juxtaposition. I also vie my interactions with those professions as transactions not relationships. Just my personal belief of course.
-You say things like, “Handle my transaction brilliantly” but don’t go into detail of what that means.
It will be different for all. For me I want efficiency and expertise. I will know it when I see it. Online btw.
-You say “Trust and Confidence” but don’t actually examine what that means, or how someone might gain T&C, keep it, or expand it.
My belief may be naive on this but if it needs to be taught or examined for someone it probably will result in calculated and phony actions. Think about the people you trust and look at as business savvy. Do you think they studied and analyzed how to gain trust or is it more of a DNA attribute?
September 9, 2011 at 9:55 am
Hmm, perhaps I need to do a post to develop what I’m thinking/asking… Hold on.
September 9, 2011 at 10:50 am
Okay, the post is up: http://www.notorious-rob.com/2011/09/09/real-estate-relationship-business-business/
September 9, 2011 at 10:31 am
I liken this to the relationship I have with my financial advisor, who I am 100% loyal to because of the tremendous service she gives me, her expertise, and the fact that I feel she really cares. Do we have a social relationship?no. But it’s certainly a relationship. I appreciate her cards, touching base to update me on the market, just as I think my clients always seem to appreciate the updates on their investment from time to time. And occasionally real friendships do form from these business relationships too! Chris, If I were your realtor, you wouldn’t have written this post cuz you’d want to be my friend
September 9, 2011 at 10:51 am
Wait a minute… you were my realtor… I don’t know if I want to have a relationship with you… especially on Facebook…
September 9, 2011 at 3:20 pm
I would gladly be your BFF Sue.
September 9, 2011 at 11:44 am
I’m with you 110%. And, I agree with some comments that there are people who do want a “relationship,” or at least they want a new friend.
I greatly prefer to work with those who don’t, but value what I bring to the table in the way of expertise and service. We won’t have a latte together, but we’ll close a transaction with a satisfied client.
September 9, 2011 at 12:49 pm
Chris,
I am looking to sell my home. I have about 5 real estate agents who are presently friends so at best my friendship is a 20% chance of getting a listing, and in all reality it is probably less than that.
The reason, in a tough market I can not afford to hire anyone but the very best to sell my home. That means the most professional, most educated in my specific market, and most committed to fulfilling my needs.
If one of my friends is that person, great, they get first shot at the listing. But, odds are it is someone I may not even like on a personal level. But if they can get me the best deal, do so within my goal time-frame, and be enough of an expert that I will accept their brutally honest opinion on the best way to sell my home, I will go with them.
September 9, 2011 at 2:45 pm
I couldn’t agree more. Who wants a “relationship” with someone who’s doing them a professional service? You just want to work with someone who knows what it takes to make great transaction happen. What I think is implied by your post is that the customer is realizing how much of a role the agent actually plays in the entire process. This is crucial if Realtors are going to market their skills and reputation online.
September 10, 2011 at 8:01 am
Chris….I think this is a matter of semantics. I have developed many friends out of what were first clients. But that happened as a result of the transaction . It was not the goal for either of us when we started. I think the word relationship can be applied to business in a different way than personal. The social media platforms are just that….platforms to make contact and disseminate information. Great to see you on here, my first visit since Tech Savvy. Enjoyed all your help there.
September 10, 2011 at 8:47 am
Ah sensationalism. It’s “cool” if it’s on a blog, right? Unethical if its called “media,” or “news.” The best part is probably the existence of the dozens of comments that, by their very presence, contradict your point. But that’s putting a little too much psychosocial analysis to it- i see we’re just evangelizing here.
…And this is why the RE industry remains in the stone ages. But you know what? Keep the purview! The more ignoramuses who do will only make it easier for your customers/clients (you know, those PEOPLE who have to deal with?) to spot the practitioners with a clue.
Commerce is in all ways and will always be about people. Bleed relationship out of the equation and don’t be surprised when your career has completely bled out.
Seriously. Who on earth is telling you skill, fidelity of service, knowledge, and fiduciary responsibility are mutually exclusive and can exist in part or wholly outside the parameters of relationship? Outside the constructs of trust? Do you understand that what you’re purporting is biologically impossible?
I for one—and perhaps the collective shall as well—do you all a service (call it a transaction if that helps you “objectify” it) and avoid insulting your intelligence by refusing to think you actually believe the junk you’re writing.
September 10, 2011 at 9:57 am
Ryan you seem like a very sharp guy. Thanks for dropping by.
September 10, 2011 at 10:26 am
Ordinarily I’d bite my tongue – but Ryan, really, you believe your angst here is warranted? Christ started a conversation – sensationalism or not, it’s one a lot of people engaged in (including you), so that alone tells me the subject is certainly worthy of a discussion. Few “junk” posts are, in my opinion. That aside – I wonder why you find the very premise that some people may not want to have a ‘relationship’ with their service providers offensive?
If it is, indeed, a people business, should we not maybe take a moment and actually try to see what we all do from the perspective of those same people we are supposed to help? How many of your actual past clients sincerely appreciate your following them on socials or getting added to your drip campaigns?
PS: It is generally easier to get a point across when one doesn’t come off unjustifiably pissed off…
September 10, 2011 at 10:27 am
OOops – my comment was supposed to get posted to Ryan Wynia, sorry…
September 10, 2011 at 1:50 pm
Sorry I had to post this 2x – one for you and one for Rob –
I’m sorry but this whole argument has gone way past ridiculous. Maybe Gen Y doesn’t want to have a relationship with their Realtor, Doctor, Dentist, Lawyer, etc… but I doubt it. Take a look at the definition of relationship anyway http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interpersonal_relationship
Here’s the thing – buying a home (or selling one) is not only a HUGE monetary decision, it is also one of the most personal purchases you will ever make. So if you get a GOOD Realtor (and they aren’t all good – nor do they take the time to be involved to a level of concern in your life) that sits down with you prior to your purchase you should probably disclose or discuss the following details:
1 – What are you life plans for the next 5 -10 years? Kids? Marriage? Move in with Partner? Schools (public or private)?
2 – What is your lifestyle? Party Person? Single? Homebody? Gay/Straight? (yup – these come up in a buyer interview)
3 – What is your financial situation? How much does your spouse make? What debt do you have?
4 – What do you do for fun? Music? Athletics? Exercise?
5 – Are mom and Dad involved in your life still? Are they going to help with a down payment?
6 – Where do your friends live?
7 – What is your favorite food?
8 – Do you have a car? What kind is it? Do you park on the street or garage?
9 – Do you physically require light in your home or have any “special needs”?
Now ask yourself this – do you know this information about half of your so called “friends” on Facebook or Twitter? Really? Cuz I don’t and that doesn’t mean that I don’t call them friends.
All of those questions above come out in the drawn out process of seeking, discovering, and countless hours in the car with someone that is employed to help you buy a home (it’s a little different for sellers but not a ton).
So does this mean that you should hire someone JUST on the fact that they know this stuff? Hellz no. But… if you find someone that is professional, skilled, a great negotiator AND brings these skills to the table, then that’s a great find and someone that will help you out.
i.e. a Relationship has been built. Maybe you’ll become friends? Maybe not. Maybe you’ll become BFF’s? I really don’t know.
But I am sick and tired of people saying it’s either Black or White here – it’s either skills or relationships… and the answer is it’s both. And that’s what separates the good agents from the great ones.
September 10, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Matt. I respect your opinion a lot. Thanks for the well thought out comment.
September 10, 2011 at 2:49 pm
I’m not sure I agree 100% with your statement. While I know people looking to buy real estate are not looking for a new best friend, I do think a good relationship and compatability figure greatly in to a transaction. It is much easier to work with someone you like than someone you can’t stand. I also don’t think it is so much about the relationship during the sale but after that really matters. If you do a good job and you earn people’s respect, they will send other potential clients to you. That is about relationships before, during, and after the sale has closed.
September 10, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have felt this for so long but if I ever mentioned this in public to an agent, they would look at me like I’m from Mars.
This generation buying homes is expecting less of a face to face personal relationship……or any relationship for that matter. The less contact, the better…..I always thought i was the odd one for thinking this.
We just need to market and brand ourselves online and offline as an expert and can be trusted….that should be enough relationship for most.
I need to go add some info to my website telling them it’s OK for them to only text, email, or call. They don’t have to visit my office 3 times a week.
September 10, 2011 at 5:34 pm
Brad, if you’re talking about your side (loans) of the business I might agree with you, however not on the home buying side. Sure it CAN be done. But take a look at my comment. Did you go through that with your last agent? If you did and didn’t develop some kind of relationship with them… yeah I don’t think so.
Essentially if you’re saying that the relationship is “out of the equation” then the RE industry BETTER watch out for Google. Because Google (and other programming companies) can probably develop a wicked CMA, send you directions, send you online documents, and get you the best loan rate.
September 10, 2011 at 7:31 pm
I agree with certain types of people. I have a good working relationship with some people and when they refer a friend to me, sometimes I try to gather both friends to go out to dinner to repay the kindness. Most times, they drag their feet picking a day. This tells me that they don’t really want to either have dinner with me or the friend or both of us! So I send a thank you note instead with a small gift to show my appreciation. I have some clients though, that become lifelong friends. It’s a personality thing.
September 12, 2011 at 9:25 am
Susan it certainly is wise to look at it case by case.
September 11, 2011 at 11:22 am
I think the error in the industries logic is that you are supposed to build a relationship with your client, but no one has ever taught anyone how to do that properly. It has to be done with the intent to build a genuine relationship, not a relationship for the purpose of selling a home.
Imagine this, you meet someone, build a friendship, and generally enjoy being around that person. That person just so happens to be a realtor. Does their profession matter? It shouldn’t, just like the rest of your friends. But when you go to buy a house, who will you turn to? Your buddy.
A realtor is in the unique position where the more friends they have, the more income they earn. But when the motivation is obviously income, we end up with post like this one that paints the industry with a pretty broad brush.
September 12, 2011 at 9:25 am
Nolan the more organic the better.
September 11, 2011 at 7:07 pm
I suppose here’s my thoughts after considering this for a couple of days: I don’t befriend people because I want to sell them a house.
I market to people pretty much on my skill level, not my “hey I’ll be your friend” level.
However I simply can’t agree completely with you, Chris, because in my area many people WANT to be friends with their Realtor, and I don’t mean just me. I again, don’t know why.
That said, I’m not friends with all my clients. I don’t hang out with them, but I may go to church with them or to a cookout, or for a beverage, but usually they’re not coming to my home or going for a walk with me on a regular basis.
I just don’t see anything wrong with either scenario. People I represent understand I am *doing business.* I am a businesswoman for certain and am expanding my business daily and because of that, I have more clients now than ever before. Some are friends in the true “friend” sense, some are not.
I serve both, gladly.
September 12, 2011 at 9:24 am
Gina the well thought out reply is appreciated. Always account for differences by market.
September 12, 2011 at 12:50 pm
While I agree with some of the article. Transactions often close based on trust, trust comes from relationships. Buyers, Sellers, Listing Agents, ans Selling Agents all need to have somewhat mutual respect for each other. By the way, a doctor does care where the business comes from, he is at the clinic from 9 to 5, then on call. Most doctors don’t need to market their services. We go to them when we are in pain, and when speaking about one’s own doctor, the first words out of the patient’s mouth is “I trust my Doctor”.
September 13, 2011 at 5:25 pm
Chris i truly appreciate your slinging the arrows, but i fear most people are missing the target.
of course you develop relationships with clients. you may become friends on FB. you may even share a meal. these things happen … sometimes.
somehow (probably when some high visibility agents realized they could make more money telling other agents how to be high dollar producers than they could make practicing real estate).. agents bought into systems. follow up systems. unverified actuarial data was presented to sell the idea of a certain number of touches…who was going to complain? not the printers that enjoyed the business. not the brokers that could allow systems to replace their actual involvement in agent training. not the people selling the systems.
lead generation and follow up…you will be rich. after ten years the richest remain mike ferry, brian buffini, joe stumpf, etc. how many agents have poured thousands of dollars in to relationship maintaining crap are now out of the business?
you can not force a long term relationship (check the divorce statistics). you can only do a good job and treat others as you wish to be treated.
before you send out another hundred postcards, try to remember how many you have thrown away while sorting your personal mail. before you start cold calling, try to remember the last time you enjoyed receiving a phone call soliciting business, before you go door to door as the neighborhood expert,try to remember the last time you were happy to have your day interrupted by a salesperson knocking on your door. you are no different than the people you want to have a relationship with. it can’t be forced on you…don’t force it on others.
September 13, 2011 at 7:28 pm
Unfortunately, too many agents truly unsuccessfully to be everything to everyone, particularly in such a way that comes off as being insincere. Personally, I want clients to remember me because I am well-qualified and exceeded their expectations of a Realtor, not because we had coffee or love the Yankees. I know I don’t want go in with the intent of being best friends with my attorney, or go play golf with my doctor. As a profession, we need to rely more on expertise being the value that we bring to consumers, not the ‘relationship’.
September 14, 2011 at 4:56 pm
Wrong, Wrong.
September 14, 2011 at 5:13 pm
Some words of wisdom from Jerry Maguire and Dicky Fox his mentor! The key to this job is personal relationships. If your heart is empty your brain doesn’t matter. Just sayin.
September 15, 2011 at 5:19 pm
I’ve been saying this for years. Most people wouldn’t listen because there was nothing the vendors could SELL from my statement of truth.
Most of the vendors here have an angle. Further I’d like to know EXACTLY what experience they have to tell ME how to do MY job. I know most of “THEM” have never sold real estate and the ones who do are really vying for speaking gigs–so they have to “front” being a successful agent.
All these social media types have been babbling so loud for years about communication NO WORK has been done except for what I call “extreme theorizing”—and that don’t pay no bills. Hard work does.
Further, I am a professional. Like your attorney or CPA. I don’t see attorneys or CPA’s blathering on twitter all day looking to ‘engage.’ That’s just bunk. I said it two years ago…and I’m saying it NOW.
Sheez Louise.
September 15, 2011 at 5:30 pm
btw…I’m sorry I’m late to the party on this one…but …I’ve been …um, selling real estate…REALLY.
This is for real estate agents–what someone needs to do is put up some REAL real estate agents (not fake ones) and have them tell people how they do it.
Things that work (make me money)
1. direct mail (still #1 for the “rich” real estate agents)
2. web site (not my blog) w/idx
3. blog
4. Google
If you are at a “seminar” and you hear the words:
1. engage
2. followers
3. build;
4. relationships
Get up and turn around and go have lunch or go return a phone call or email–because there is nothing worthwhile to be learned at that session (that will make you money).
September 20, 2011 at 6:14 am
Kevin, well said!
September 16, 2011 at 5:28 pm
Aloha Chris. You make some valid points that I think many Realtors don’t want to hear. Admittedly, I AM a relationship person by nature. I like people, and if I didn’t it’s likely I would not be a terrific Broker. Still, I’ve had to get hip quick to the whole point of technology, & social media in particular — ultimate accessibility, immediacy and ease … all just as fast as humanly possible. So as long as we are knowledgeable, available and responsive (among other character traits) our clients will appreciate us as pros. After all, it’s about time the bar was raised on our industry so lay people respect us for all we must be, do, know. Do I like sunset cocktails or lunch? Sure! Does it matter? Unfortunately, not.
September 17, 2011 at 5:05 am
Dawn people who are natural relationship people are ususally my favorite. I am okay with a strong relationship forming and heck even glad when it does. Just shouldn’t be your marketing focus.
September 17, 2011 at 12:32 am
I beg to differ on many your thoughts in this post, Chris.
I am not sure why a Doctor analogy is used here. The big difference is – we have to go to doctor when we need them – they don’t come to us for their business. Plus – it is NOT EASY to change your PCP! So, why should your Doctor wants to have a cup of coffee with you or build the relationship? (Unless you have an excellent medical insurance, you are ‘stuck’ with your Doctor.) The same can be applied to many other professionals.
Let’s compare the numbers. How many doctors are there in US as compared to Real Estate Professionals?
The emphasis is on being expert at what you do. The relationship business comes second – with the assumption that we DO 100% justice to our job. Most transactions are NOT smooth now-a-days and taking care of your client during this uncertain period is to prove your expertise. After the closing, staying in touch is TOMA (Top Of Mind Awareness) – and one needs to do it. (Why should COKE spend so much on advertising?) I am sure even if your Realtor(r) has done an excellent job but is not in touch with you, 5 years down the road you will NOT search the HUD to find out who he or she was. The key is staying in touch with the client and provide some value to that relationship.
Yep, my thoughts are scattered – but the point is: A Realtor(r) needs to be a trusted advisor to get the referrals. And about 170 comments on the post does not make Real Estate as NOT RELATIONSHIP business – it was, it is and it will be. Of course, this will be a BUSINESS RELATIONSHIPS of varying degrees.
And…you will still be my friend – even if we have different opinions. So, oh by the way…if you know someone who wants to buy or sell…(just kidding, man!)
September 17, 2011 at 5:09 am
Praful you make some valid points. One counter. You mention we go to the doctor they don’t come to us. I think that even doctors come to us via the SERPs
September 18, 2011 at 4:33 pm
Of course, SERPs are open for all – including Doctors. And why not?
(A confession for my comment, BTW – For some reason, I felt the thoughts in the post are not from CHRIS, I knew).
September 17, 2011 at 10:35 am
(I know the stress and challenges that come along with earning a paycheck and paying your bills ONLY if you sell things.) This statement isn’t true,IMO. That mentality is wrong, Agents get paid and pay bills because we are professionals helping the general public….
September 19, 2011 at 3:01 am
Chris,
Your post was quite thought provoking and actually prompted me to add some remarks about the service I provide on my website and in my presentations. So thank you for helping me to be more direct in communicating how the services I provide benefit the consumer. It appears that all that you are saying is what every client wants to know! What’s In It For Me??
You strike me as a results oriented person. You are likely very take charge and prefer to get the task at hand completed and move forward. I would bet that how sound a home is, the age and shape of the mechanical items in the home (i.e. do these have a lot of life in them yet…and / or will there be any energy efficient items that might save me money) are the first things you look at when considering a home. And before you say not so… I would already know that you would never look in a neighborhood or at homes that did not deliver the enviornment, asthetics, or architectural style and amenities you desire. In addition you probably have already done your research online and have narrowed it down to only homes you would even consider making an offer on , in the first place. Why waste time looking at something otherwise?
I would also know I would only merit an opportunity to have repeat or referral business if I met or most likely exceeded your expectations. And that if I were to bombard someone such as yourself with emails, mail, calls etc that I would annoy you. Inviting you to a round of golf (should I happen to know you play) would only in your eyes be overstepping the parameters of our “relationship” as come across as ingenuine. Any gesture towards friendship would and should be initiated by you.
An excellent sales person, and yes I said the dirty word, we are all sales persons – I would know how to match and mirror your behavioral style. I would understand your needs because I listened to them, noted them and gave you the service you desired. Then I will have created trust, confidence and respect. So many people do not like working with this personality type. It can be intimidating. Why? Because you are not so easily convinced, you are not emotionally swayed, you ask the tough yet valid questions and expect honest answers and real solutions. You are a logical buyer.
You can see proof that there are those who are intimidated and maybe even offended by the direct, blunt, cut and dry approach you have from many of the responses on this blog. What it comes down to it there are more lambs than lions out there. And let’s face it lambs are easier to convince, lead and convert. You my friend were the bain of my existance during my first year of real estate. Until I learned that it didn’t matter if you liked me, be-friended me or maybe ever did another transaction with me again. It wasn’t that you weren’t loyal – or that I didn’t stay at Top of Mind. It is simply the way you are wired, nothing personal in it at all. Anyone who has responded to this blog and tried to tell you that you are wrong should be able to clearly see how futile the effort. It is interesting to see all the comments trying to state their case that your stated opinion is just not so… HA! It is not that you do not respect the other opinions, it’s just that for you – your way is the best, the most efficient and you are only after the outcome you seek. (Oh and I might guess that inside you may be quietly saying eh whatever… I know my way is the best)
Sales is not for the timid, or for those who need constant reassurance. In fact, some people do not like to mix their personal life with their business transactions. For those clients a friendship could be the death of any referral or repeat business.
The bottom line is Realtors should first know and understand their marketplace, especially the true numbers, statistics and how to take take that information, to find the best buys, to get homes sold for a good price in a timely fashion and to neogtiate the best terms for clients. Next, they should understand the different personality types and the best way to communicate with each. Know your clients expectations, do what you say you will do and nothing less.
Do all that and you will have raving fans, some of which who will give you referrals and repeat business without you asking – because you earned it! And for the social butterflies – well of course you’ll be on the golf course and at oookouts with them because that’s how they are wired.
While my post may have amused you, it also annoyed you. A bullet pointed reply would have been more to your liking. I was writing to the masses though and not trying to earn your business, so I decided to be my expressive self. Please note that any detected sarcasim is just my dry sense of humor meant to poke fun at myself, and the rest of our real estate colleagues in general. What good is it if we can’t laugh at ourselves?
Oh and always remember real estate is much like a contact sport. There really is no one way to create a successful business. Many, many approaches are out there.
The key is they all work – if you work it!
September 21, 2011 at 10:37 pm
Well said. I would say over 75% of home buyers just wanted to have the deals done, and move on with their lives. A much smaller per centage of home owners welcomed the idea of maintaining a relationship.
September 22, 2011 at 2:03 pm
Interesting thread Chris, it could go either way…but I still believe that RELATIONSHIPS are part of any business. Relationships are just one part of the REFERRAL & REAL ESTATE puzzle…it is essential in establishing loyalty as well…One would never call someone out of the blue and say ‘ hi, come list my house. ‘ There is research, meetings, Q&A…when we speak relationships we speak merely of establishing contact, connecting, engaging, and communicating throughout the entire real estate transaction BEFORE & AFTER. This is relationship no matter what. Over communicating sometimes is key. We have developed loyalty in our industry with clients who we maintain friendly communication & contact with whether through a personal note, an anniversary card, a simple hello, how is the new home coming along, hey new restaurant in town? NO one is saying you have to ‘ sleep ‘ with the client or become thier best friends. Chris I highly doubt you would list your house with someone you did not know…I also highly doubt Inman choses their GUEST SPEAKERS based on not knowing who they are, credentials, speaking or meeting with them, doing a bit of research, etc…yes? no? If that is the case…hmmmm…I’m registered to attend in January…please tell me you guys did your research cause I’m super excited to listen to many! Just my thought for the day…but real good thread! Lots of insight! Thank you! vx
October 19, 2011 at 3:46 pm
Controversial as usual, Chris! Great stuff though, and I don’t disagree with any of it. There are indeed people out there who would prefer to do business as you suggest – it’s a business transaction, not a blossoming relationship with a significant other.
However, there’s a client for every personality you can imagine, meaning agents must be incredibly flexible in their abilities to create and foster relationships. After all, a relationship as you describe is still – gasp – a relationship! I have a “relationship” with my dentist, it just doesn’t include Facebook or other social media accounts. Though, if he had a Twitter feed or FB page and routinely shared toothpaste or toothbrush reviews, I’d probably be friends with him or following him, come to think of it!
When my wife and I bought our house, we first wanted an agent who would, as you say, handle the transaction brilliantly. That’s step one. Partly as a result of the transaction going so well, though, led us to befriend her on Facebook and that has turned into a lasting, low-touch relationship that could very well lead to another transaction for her in the future that might not have happened without social media. But that’s just my wife and I…there are many other buyers who aren’t interested in the slightest in becoming conventional “friends” with their Realtor.
To survive in this industry, agents must be social acrobats. Targeting only one brand of client is a short path to failure.
October 19, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Brilliant-agree 100%–That’s how I would feel if I were a buyer or seller! hmmm…hope that doesn’t mean I have to drop my clients off my facebook friend list.
January 6, 2012 at 9:05 am
Each client could refer at least 2 leads to his agent each year, therefore I feel it’s important to have a good business relationship with your clients. The key is to let your client determine how personal it gets, whatever the client decides, it is
Importent to keep yourself at the front of the clients mind so they will think of you when they know someone who is buying or selling. My business is built on referrals from my clients and I believe you should keep your name in front of your past clients at least 4 times per year.
January 31, 2012 at 6:03 am
Keeping in touch, oh that! Important, mission critical. People work with those that they know, like, and trust. The work with them again and refer them if they remember how to get in touch. The decision to buy is quick and arbitrary an happens in 24-36 hours. 80 to 90% of consumers were satisfied or delighted with Realtor service but less than 10 used them again. Why? Forgot who they were, did not have contact info. And in support I teach to always provide something of value, do not annoy. Unsolicited annual CMA and yes, birthday and anniversary of house cards. Plus other contacts. HOWEVER, if they are not ecstatic that you called, do not call again. This is the NINJA way. This is what we teach and know to work. See Ninja.com for details. Thanks for the conversation stimulus.
March 4, 2012 at 10:56 am
Chris – buying and selling property is business, not a process I want to get a friend out of either. I think many realtors (oh, and other professionals too) miss a simple fact: Their communication preference is not important, their client’s preference is. I read an interesting blog post just a few days ago about that (I am sure others have written about that before) made me think about my own way of doing business (http://8factors.com/disc-assessment-101/ – check out the section “How can DISC help you?).
Once I understood DISC, which is based on Marston’s behavioral theories, I realized why so many people have difficulties connecting – they cater to their own style rather than the behavioral style of the person they communicate with, and thereby completely turning them off LOL It is easy to make that mistake because we always assume our way works best. Not so!
March 18, 2012 at 2:16 am
veize
March 30, 2012 at 9:36 am
I actually feel the same way as my clients. We are great friends during the deal but after that, I will go back to my life and you go back to yours. I am always available after the deal for questions or problems but we do not need to do coffee, lunch or events. By keeping that thought process, my business is completely made of client referrals. Which is what I was going for when I started in this business, no cold calling for me.